Blame others, lose health - a conversation with a senior patient

 

‘An aged, cribbing , complaining person,  putting her nose into others’ matters & scolding people, however unable to do things, herself’. I assume most of you may be able to relate to some character of this sort, you may have met or seen in real life or drama.

I was treating one such granny, using acupressure and nature cure from few weeks.

There was another woman in the old-age-home, who had childhood medical issues and couldn't walk or use her hands properly. She was therefore slow. Our main character of this blog, the granny used to make comments about being upset with this slowness. She would blame this woman, who was also my patient.

As sister in charge was calling the woman (patient W), and she was too slow , moving a bit and just being around, our granny made multiple angry comments telling her to go. I was watching and telling her 'no', in multiple subtle ways, but she couldn’t hold herself back.

Now, I had sent granny for some work to sister and she had taken almost half hour to get that 5 min job done on the same day.

I asked granny, 'Aunty,I know you took a lot of time in giving that one paper to sister and coming back, would you like it if someone calls you lazy, someone who doesn't want to do the work?'

Aunty's mouth was opened in shock, it seemed she never realized her own slowness or didn't expect anyone to ever say such a thing.
I continued, 'Is it true?' she looked at me with her mouth open.

'I know the truth is that you can't walk faster than that, you just can't do because of your health issue, isn't it?', I continued.

She said 'Yes, what can I do, its not possible'.

'Thankyou for acknowledging, aunty. Similarly, it may not be possible for this woman, to do work as you expect, isn’t it. She has a health condition, too, right? We all may think, she doesn't want to do, she is acting lazy but is it possible that she just can't do any better?', I asked her. Aunty nodded slowly and subtly, in agreement.

'Good. You know when you blame her, speak negatively & angrily, you also spoil your own health in the moment? These impact and cause your health issues. So, please don't complain, don't repeat and just let her be. It is sister's responsibility or right to scold her and get things done, isn’t it? Why should you take it on yourself, ma ?' I asked.

'I care, I am concerned, that's why', she said.

'"I know that, I can see that, but please don't be negative or blaming etc. That doesn’t help.”

“If you can get up and hold her, make her walk a step or two faster, please do; if you can encourage or positively support her, you may do so, too.” , I continued.

“These are ways to ensure good health, as they shall greatly help you as well, understand. “

If you care and want to suggest something, sometimes; do that just once, ok ma”

She nodded.

“Please, understand she is old enough, if she is able to listen and follow as you suggest, she will do that, otherwise, she is unable to do that, okay. That's the reason, why she is not doing it.”

So please don't continue to repeat and make it a bigger, ego issue, okay?

For your own health, be calm and kind.'

Granny nodded in agreement with an understanding and calm, I hadn't seen ion her, ever before. Amazingly, she started following as well, right away in the moment.

The woman kept sitting, sleeping, moving a bit, passing-by our chair for next half hour, but not an angry, complaining word from aunty, to my surprise. In fact, she spoke to her with care and understanding, then. She also got up to let her go by  and showed her concern with such kindness.

While, leaving i told aunty, “As we discussed, you must have some work for better health. This is one task for you: please help someone every day; whatever you can do, anything small, please do, either this girl or anyone else.”
Aunty agreed and told me, 'okay'.

As it was last day before my vacation, aunty said, “I will miss you, seriously I will”.

 I smiled at her genuine words and told her, “Instead of missing me, treat yourself during this time, as per the prescription provided, okay?”

“Do not create another reason to be negative, now, just be positive for your health sake.”

Smiles exchanged, I left.

It is more than a month since that evening, as I write this blog post, but the intensity of that listening, trust and immediate transformation in aunty and the connections which happened during those conversations among the three of us, are still fresh in my mind.